there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
