i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
