Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
