Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
