apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
