He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
