So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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