i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
