i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Let's get the cat blown out
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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