i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
