I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize