on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
