yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
