Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
