Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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