i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
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But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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