so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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