remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You ruined the universe
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
