I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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