There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize