i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
