This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize