Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
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