I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
