she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
