Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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