I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
