I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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