Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
