My first STD was from a foam party
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
