I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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