I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
