My room smells like vodka and shame
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
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So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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