Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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