I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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