I just gift wrapped bread.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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