Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
