Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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