Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize