There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
