half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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