remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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