At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
