They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
