My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Say something about gay babies.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
