I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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