I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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