I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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