went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
