I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
