Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
