hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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