I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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