two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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