why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
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I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
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You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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