ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
