I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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