It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
