Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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